Carving out the space in your day for self care is vital. Especially in times like these where we are being reminded of the injustices Black people face in America. As a Black woman, the past few weeks have been a whirlwind of emotions for me. I want to be there in support for my loved ones. I want to feel as if I can build a future for myself and the family I’d like to create. However, I have found myself feeling hopeless living in a country where my people are being killed by the hands of white supremacy. My brain has been full of so many thoughts that I find myself forgetting to take care of myself. So I decided to reflect on what brings me joy, from that I began to think of all the things that I do for self care. The life I live is a shared experience, there are many people feeling the same emotions as I am in this climate both people who I share my identity with and those who don’t. With that in mind, we all can use some time for reflecting on our self care practice. It may even be beneficial to add a few new things into our practices. But what does self care look like to each of us as individuals? How can we tailor our self care practice so that it is relevant to the way that we receive love? In this mini-guide I will offer you various ways to take care of yourself based on your love language.
The five love languages were created by Gary Chapman. They were originally created so in partnerships, couples can better understand each other. However, one thing I always like to say is that the most valuable relationship you have is the one you have with yourself. If you aren’t already aware of what your love languages are then feel free to take this quiz here to find out. One thing to keep in mind is that even if there is a suggested way for self care outside of the results you received, you absolutely could still benefit from it.
Words of affirmation:
If you enjoy receiving words of encouragement or if the kind words of others make you feel warm and fuzzy inside here are a few tips for how you might want to take care of yourself:
Listen to an uplifting podcast. Some of my personal favorites have been My Strength and my Shield, it is a faith based podcast but the host, Nissi also touches on self care. If you would like a laugh, Desus Nice and The Kid Mero have a podcast called “Bodega Boys” which always makes me laugh, they typically discuss pop culture and politics. If you are looking for a podcast about yoga and mindfulness, As Above So Below is a great one with Tie ( @hippie_heathen on Instagram) and DJ Townsel ( @dade2shelby on instagram). I am not entirely sure if they are still creating content but their previous episodes are really good.
Create a playlist. Music can really set the tone for any situation. During these times, I have found myself needing a bit of a boost. So I created a playlist available both on spotify and apple music compiled of my favorite mood boosting songs of various genres.
Quality time:
Maybe you’re the kind of person who likes long walks on the beach or long parked car conversations feel therapeutic for you. If so, here’s what I have for you:
Take a screen break. Social media can get really overwhelming. For me, screen time overload makes me feel incredibly anxious. When I am able to take a step back from it I am able to feel a lot more clear in my mind, I also tend to feel more confident and creative.
Take a yoga class. Depending on your state’s current regulations for social distancing, it could be outdoors, in a physical studio or via telecommunication networks such as Zoom. However, you find your practice, allow yourself to really tune in to how you are feeling. See if you can give yourself space for presence.
Spend time with friends and family. Self care doesn’t always have to be something you do alone. Mapping out time in your schedule to enjoy the company of others has the potential to brighten your whole day.
Receiving gifts:
Do you hold a lot of sentimental value in even the smallest of gifts you receive from loved ones? Try these few things out:
Treat yourself! It doesn’t have to be anything extravagant, but maybe there is something that’s been sitting in your online shopping cart that you’ve wanted for quite some time. Take this as your sign to make that purchase.
Find something that means something special to you. If you aren’t looking to spend money, maybe you will take this time to go through your things and find a heartfelt gift you have received in the past. Take a moment to reflect on what the item means to you or how you felt when you first received it.
Acts of service:
If the saying “actions speak louder than words” are words that you live by:
Do something nice for yourself. Maybe the laundry has been piling up or other chores have been put to the side in recent weeks. Take some time to write a list and as everything is completed mark it off. You might even take the time to skip takeout and make yourself a nice meal.
For some, doing for others may be what self care looks like. That could even mean taking time to call up a friend and holding space by chatting about the things that have been running through their mind.
Physical touch:
In this case PDA stands for “private display of affection”.... With yourself.
Take a hot bath. You might even set the mood by lighting a few candles or burning some incense if that’s your gig. Also adding herbs to your bath can add to the experience of deep relaxation.
Go the extra mile with your skin care routine. This is one of my favorite ways to practice self care. When I want to go all out with my skincare, I like to add face masks and extra serums into my routine.
